The chat we all wish we had

My friend Benn Harradine has asked me to write a guest blog for his page at http://www.bennharradine.com/. He was not really specific, so I decided to not be specific. I thought I'd play with the idea of what we'd all love to do - have a good sit down and chat with ourselves 20 years ago...

''In my 30 humble years on this planet I have had the great opportunity to try a few things on. I’ve seen some things I would rather have not, I’ve done some things I probably shouldn’t have, and I have spent hours and months doing things that were about as useful as wearing thongs to an ice skating ring. I’ve attempted being a geek, an emo, a jock, a surfie, a musician, a writer, and a sportsperson. Through trial and error, failed idiocy, or just sometimes getting lucky, I’ve worked out a few things that have lead to feeling pretty darn good within the skin I’m in. I’m not really any of the things above anymore (minus the sportsperson), and I am by no means any kind of authority on any matter whatsoever, but here are some of the things I’ve learned and would love to sit down with myself from 20 years ago and talk about what’s in store...

On being ‘cool’...

You are not cool. I am not cool. You’re idea of ‘cool’ doesn’t actually exist in anyone except on your TV screen and even then the people behind the characters are probably a lot more insecure than you or I. The kid you laugh at at school who wears funny clothes, says weird things and sits in the corner doing his own thing whilst you snicker at him is probably the coolest kid in your class. Don’t be cool. You have as much chance of actually being that idea as you do marrying that girl Tessa that you have a crush on right now.

On education and a career...

Have more fun with what you learn. Challenge and question ideas you don’t think are right or don’t make sense. You are not as dumb as you think, and you certainly don’t look any worse by asking questions. Feel free to dislike things you learn, but embrace the ones that exciite you. One of the amazing things about our society is that you can be passionate about almost anything and make a job out of it. Learn about your passion. And expect it change.

On girls...

Never be late to a date. Always offer to pay. Kiss with your eyes closed. Learn from your parents, they know a lot more than you. Don’t follow ‘rules’, if you want to call the day after you met a girl, call. Never, ever, settle. Avoid destructive or manipulative games at all costs. Embrace the playful ones. Laugh during sex. Follow your heart, but be careful of losing yourself along the way. Find someone who has a good laugh, you will need it when you get older and realise how funny you look.

On money...

Sorry mate, I am broke. Ask me in 10 years whether not having any savings from my 20s was worth traveling around the world every year, living on whatever was in my pockets, and having some of the craziest and scariest experiences one can imagine. I’m tipping it will be.

On friends...

These are the most valuable and rare commodity in your life. They will fuck you over, they will save your life, they will make you cry a thousand tears and make you laugh till you pee. The best ones you have now will be the same in 20 years time, and probably 60. Nothing will hurt you more than leaving a great friend (which happens a lot!), but there is also nothing like finding a fantastic new one. They seem to be like plants in a garden... You have your favorite rose bushes and you have your weeds. Some high maintenance, some low. Some just not worth the trouble. But recognise your gum trees; they are the ones that won’t fade or die. They will give you shade if you need it or a great place to sit and play in. Roots firmly planted in the ground, they are worth everything to keep alive support when in trouble, because they’ll be there for you, too.
But most of all, don’t take yourself too seriously. Leave that to  everyone else...''