I would be lying out my be-hind if I told you I wasn't disappointed with how I ran tonight in the final of the Commonwealth Games: 6th in 50.14.
The wise old man in me can take stock of this experience, put it in context and move on, or build from it, or turn it into some kind of a positive. But the fact is I didn't run nearly as fast as I wanted to and was ready to, and that just plain hurts.
The hard and slightly confusing thing is that I just felt so damn good. Everything just seemed to be falling into place as far as my training and my headspace was going, I'd run a great heat and recovered well, I warmed up really well and it was fantastic night for racing. So why, I ask myself, didn't I run well?
Technically, I probably went out too hard. I was in lane 8 and knew that if I had a chance at medals then I would need to take it out hard - I did this and maybe it was to the detriment of the last 100m, getting swamped after the 8th hurdle and taking an extra stride into the 10th hurdle. And realistically, I don't need much more than that as far as reasons go. I didn't pace the race well and paid for it. Period.
I guess the hard thing now it making sense of it all as far as the bigger picture goes. This was the time to run fast, and I didn't. Did I do something wrong with my preparations? Should I change my approach to training? Have I been working too much? Have I got my life-balance out of whack? Am I just getting too bloody old??? The answer is definitely a big fat "NO" to all these questions, but it's certainly hard to make that judgement when you've put sooooo much time and effort into something and it doesn't pay off. No doubt when I am back in Oz and thinking over the next stages of training and life I'll have these questions running through my mind like some of the annoying insects here in Delhi.
In the meantime, I've got the 4 x 400 relay to go still. I'm definitely running the heat tomorrow but I think I'll be dropped for the final. I would love so much to run in the final and maybe get some retribution for my hurdles disappointment, but I think I'll be watching on the sidelines as the boys hopefully get up for gold! That be the case, I do get a medal - just a bit later ;-)
Thanks so much for all the good wishes from back home, it's been so lovely having emails and facebook messages to know the great support I've had from everyone.
I'm not good with silly little statements about why things happen and how to make tonight a good thing, so i'll be concise in my summary...
It sucked arse, but I'm ok.